Part 3: Kids Love a Bad Guy
A 3-part series observational in nature and research-informed. Written by Lainie Holmes, founder and creator of LYKKE Kids in Toronto, Ontario
Let’s do a little recap of the series so far, as the pieces come together in this third part:
First, The Introduction: Good Guys, Bad Guys and the Language of Play
As grown-ups, we wonder if we should stop kids from this type of play - loud, aggressive, bad guy play. Does it encourage them to be aggressive? Am I sending the wrong message if I let it continue? We might try to emphasize that people aren’t “good” or “bad”… it’s more that people make different choices… but kids don’t buy it.
They are thinking SO much bigger than we are… read more here
Part 1: Watching Closely, Learning from Children at Play
As grown-ups, we can be quick to imagine what can go wrong with a stick. Please don’t poke someone in the eye... watch what you’re doing… and rightfully so, it’s our role as grown-ups to help take care of kids. Yet, when observing kiddos using sticks in play, they became tools for symbolic play and opened up a whole new world for them… read more here
Part 2: Testing Boundaries with Sword Play
Play fighting, wrestling and battling with swords are all important forms of play that teach kids how to be together. It’s where they learn to regulate themselves and communicate boundaries. Read more here…
and Part 3: Kids Love a Bad Guy
Today let’s take a look at the deep, meaningful learning that is happening beneath the surface of bad guy play.
The Meaning Behind Bad Guy Play
The excerpt below changed the way I see “bad guy” play.
Quick context. The excerpt comes from a professional resource for educators called, Pursuing Bad Guys: Joining children’s quest for clarity, courage and community. Written by Donna King.
“Children are tapped into this archetypal dynamic that has threaded itself into story across centuries and cultures. Odysseus and Cyclops, Duncan and Lady MacBeth, Red Riding Hood and the Wolf, Robin Hood and the Sherriff of Nottingham. Dorothy and the Wicked Witch of the West. Harry Potter and Voldemort, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader… Hero and villain. Good and evil.”
[So interesting that kids are naturally connected and interested in a dynamic, that as grown-ups, we’ve also been interested in for thousands of years and still to present day].
“Archetypes point us towards spiritual and psychological truths about being human. They ask us to confront essential questions about the meaning in our lives and the workings of our world. They call up philosophical ideas that shape our understandings of the human condition. The most resonant archetype that threads through myths, religious stories, and pop culture is the Hero, an ordinary person drawn into a journey in which she confronts fear and danger and disruption.”
“Children are on a quest to understand what it means to be human, and their dramatic play and stories are rich explorations of ethical human truths that are exposed in the confrontation between good guys and bad guys.”
“Children are on a quest to understand what it means to be human…”
Our kids are doing such powerful work. And as young as 3, 4, and 5 years old…
So, What is a Bad Guy?
What does “bad” mean to a child? Does it mean the same thing as it does for us as grown-ups?
I began asking kids.
Observing Bad Guys in Action
When kids mention a “bad guy” while at play in LYKKE Kids (whether during drop-in or while in one of our programs), my new favourite question has been, “ooooh, who’s the bad guy? Why is he bad? What did he do?!” And here’s what they’ve said:
he cut down a tree
“he took the kids and brought them to the North Pole and separated them from their family!”
he hurt the animals
he stole
“he made a good guy bad”
I haven’t heard from kids yet that a bad guy is violent towards other people. So far, from the kids’ perspective, “bad” means that it’s not okay to:
hurt the environment
separate children from their families
harm animals
steal
and have a negative influence on another
Sounds pretty bad to me too. And I realize I may be oversimplifying and generalizing their list, but what’s interesting to me is what kids see as bad.
We often try to tell kids that people aren’t “bad,” it’s their choices. Yet look at their list of bad. I think we’re on the same page; they are describing choices too.
The Messages We Send Kids
The best part of asking a kiddo a question about their bad guy is their reaction.
It’s this look of acknowledgement, of excitement. They often pause. Their eyes get big. Almost this look of, “you want to know?!” And then quickly and excitedly they launch into telling me all about their bad guy. Who he is, what he did, and what they are going to do to make things right.
Because when we ask questions, it shows that we value their thinking and work. They are excited to share.
And when we do the opposite, shut down the play, something else happens…
A Hierarchy of Play
While writing this series, I came across an article called: Boys, weapon toys, war play and meaning-making: prohibiting play in early childhood education settings? Heikkila (2021) In the study, researchers studied the play of children in an early childhood setting and their interactions with early childhood educators.
In a nutshell, here’s what the researchers observed:
“…[when the boys] started playing war-like games indoors. These were most often interrupted by the teachers without further explanation of why they should stop”
“…they used LEGO blocks to build aeroplanes to fly with. These airplanes had guns on them, making it possible for them to ‘shoot’ whilst the airplanes were flying. They talked whilst building as they compared their planes. They looked at the similarities and differences, they explained the differences and argued why they had built their planes that way.”
“…the teacher discovered the war-like airplanes with guns. She confronted the boys with this fact but did not get an answer or a reflection from them. Hence, the boys were encouraged to either destroy these planes or rebuild them into ‘normal’ airplanes. The boys remained silent during this interaction with the teacher.”
“This can be compared to a situation, wherein Oscar and Amir are playing with different toys for cookery during a free play time on a different day at the ECEC unit… This play session [playing restaurant] was not interrupted or stopped by the teachers, nor was it questioned by anyone. In fact, this was encouraged and looked at with understanding, although it featured more or less the same elements of communication that the boys were doing earlier [while building war planes]
The researchers found that “the children performed the elements of learning (i.e. talk, discuss, explain, argue and create a play) in meaning-making instances related to two themes: guns and cookery. One of the themes was acknowledged by the institution and the other was shunned.” The researcher felt there was a hierarchy of play and meaning-making. Even though kids were using the same skills, they were treated differently based on the context.
So, Why Does it Matter?
What stood out to me in the study is that the boys remained silent while the teacher told them to destroy what they had made. When confronted about the guns on their planes, the boys did not give an answer or reflection, even though they had given it much thought and consideration.
It makes me wonder, how do kids feel and what do they learn when someone in authority does not approve of something they have created, something they’re doing that brings them much joy…
Meaning Making
”Children are joining a lineage of people determined to look directly at elemental goodness and badness as a way to understand the complexity of their own human souls,” Donna King.
Boys (and girls) are engaging in “bad guy play” as a way to understand human beings, human behaviour. Themselves.
How many times as grown-ups we’ve wondered, “am I a bad mom… or a bad dad…” Even as adults, we struggle as humans with this concept of good and bad. It doesn’t mean evil. We’re talking about us - grappling with our own internal expectations and who we want to be for our kids.
And kids, they’re so smart. They’re grappling with these big thoughts too, and as early as 4 or 5 years old. Their grappling happens through play - with bad guys.
“Children have an innate desire to be good people,” Donna King writes in her deep-dive into Pursuing Bad Guys. “Becoming good requires grappling with badness.”
Maybe it’s okay to meet a bad guy or two :)
Scratching the Surface
This little series is just that, little. There is so much more to delve into.
Just since writing it, families have brought up so many great questions while they’ve been in the space at LYKKE Kids.
Questions about books with bad guys or battles…
(Ask educational leaders around the world and they’ll say, let your kids read whatever they love - whether it be joke books, comic books, magazines, graphic novels… reading is reading. Sometimes as adults we can overly focus on chapter books / novels, yet there’s a whole world of reading out there).
Questions about toys and whether a person should buy Nerf guns, swords, etc.
There’s much to talk about on the subject. And kids are so interesting and worthy of being understood.
And to be understood, it means as grown-ups, we get to play a really fun role. We can watch to see what they are doing in a neutral, factual way. We can listen in. We can ask that question they love to hear, “ooooh, what did the bad guy do?” and listen to their thinking.
Because when we listen and watch, the language of play unfolds.